mental and physical fatigue sets in with subzero temps

Grrrr... today was my day to disappoint everyone. The teens got dropped off at 6:30 am as their dad had to work, we needed to leave the house by 7 so I could be at work at a new school at 7:30. Ivy was crying, she didn't feel well, she wanted to stay home the first half the day, but I could not guarantee a ride to school for her to take tests, and do her last speech coaching before her next tournament, an overnight from Friday to Saturday. She was then supposed to have rehearsal from 5-6:30. Dropped them off, little girls sad I could not drive them to school, Violet was getting ready for ski day. Tasha walked them to the bus on a cold morning. True got done at 2:30, I got done at 3:30 and picked him up without checking my calender. We got home and Ivy, who had said she would be done at 4:30 texted at 4 she was done. Picked her up, got in a big conversation that she was still tired and sick, and the midol this morning didn't help, so it was more sick than that. She did not want to go to rehearsal from 5-6:30, I also knew she would be late at the bus gets back at 5. Called and left a message with her director that she would not come as she felt sick. Violet dragged off the bus after a day of skiing hard. I called and told pastor she would not be coming for confirmation. I had picked up the little girls at their dad's last night after work, got off at 9, and picking up Tasha from work (late-9:20, she got off at 9), picking up True at Jefferson after a one act competition (9:40), taking True home to get his school things, as he had been in Woodbury all day, and switching True for the little girls, getting home at 10 pm. Girls to bed at 10:15 pm, super late.
Looked at the calender, True was supposed to have an appt at 4, with a therapist. Called the therapist at 5:30. He called back, we will go next week. Told True he could not take the car. Not even for an hour. Not even for a half hour.
Disappointed the director, the minister, the therapist. We are almost always there. Today we are not. It is single digit temps. I worked 13 hours yesterday. Wednesday is the only day I have all the kids all week for sure. It is always confirmation day. It is almost always at least one rehearsal. We eat a speedy dinner between the bus and confirmation to try to get homework in.
I am realizing that for the next two or three months with speech and show choir, it will be a very rare night on my weekends we can be together. Tonight I am selfish. I want my tired weary slightly sick kids to rest, eat, relax. I made chocolate chip cookie dough dip, we are gathering in the big room, talking, Capri is snuggling with True. They are having warm baths. They are shampooing hair. They are calming down. Yes, they are also watching True play a video game.
At this point, I am sad to say, I am contemplating if I want Promise to be in traditional confirmation. It will be another three years of every Wednesday during school rushing. It will start another run of ten years of confirmation. It is my only day for one more year, then I should have two when Ivy graduates. I wish Promise could go to confirmation during Sunday school.
Why is it so terrible to scale back once in a while? When the emails go out saying that rehearsal needs to be a priority, is it a priority over everything? Why is it okay to skip one activity for another, to be super scheduled and booked, but not okay to say that your young teen is really just tired and needs to stay home? Adults are admonished to stay home when sick, there are guidelines to stay home for children for illness, if we are avoiding illness and mental fatigue with a night off, can it not be as valid?
I am ready to start a scale back campaign. "Can't go anymore? Take 15 hours off. Don't go. Don't do. Don't  think too much. Come out stronger on the other side."

I made it through nursing school, I am a few days from taking my boards.  What a hectic and life changing two years.  This has certainly not been my daily life, but what hasn't changed? Same house, same kids, same pets, same shorts I am wearing on a June day.

I have a garden, I am doing more with the MN art therapy association. I still love evenings, slowing down. I am so grateful to God for blessing in my life.

It's been almost a whole academic year since I posted.
Graham moved out April 19, although he still has tons of stuff here.
The kids are starting to spend the night there, with his first full weekend this past one. However, Tasha did graduate, so we were together for graduation and dinner.
True has adjusted excellently to his new exciting high school. He does everything, plays, student council, Y R U Up, a show that runs early Saturday am, from 12:30 to 2 am.
Ivy has been okay. She is better prepared for Jefferson next year.
Violet has been sad about the divorce. She started Concerta last week to see if it will help her ADD.
Promise is hanging in there, wants to sit on my lap when she comes home.
Cherish is even more emotional, and Capri doesn't know what to do.
I got into nursing school in the fall, Tasha will finish one last college class.
Lots of change, and yet, we still sit down to dinner, still give the girls baths with a bath tub full of girls and toys, still make too many cookies and go to book sales at the library.
I am hoping for a calm summer.

I just have a chance today to post-
Some positives this past month- the kids have all adjusted to schools, with less anxiety than I had! They are enjoying new people and classes. My fifth grader is avoiding homework, an old problem of hers. My college daughter continues to try to find affordable health insurance. The four year old, with the assistance of the pastor's family and the secretary at church, is attending preschool for no charge to us. This has been a real blessing. The little girls go to school at the community college I am attending on Wednesday afternoons, and occasionally another day so I can get lab and other lectures in.
Other than that, we are getting closer to having some things done on the divorce. I will be done with pre-nursing school classes in mid-December. Tasha will hopefully graduate from college this spring or summer. There are changes on the horizon, and I don't know what they will mean in my everyday life. I can only hope for the best outcomes and do my best to keep things as much the same as possible, if that will be best for the kids.
So, in the meantime, I try to make the house run well and make sure that everyone has warm dinners, clean school and football uniforms, and is where they need to be. I am averaging seven to nine trips a day to get everyone where they need to be, but we do have one carpool. Football season is about another month, but then Ivy is trying out for Hansel and Gretel dinner theatre at school. Promise and Violet really have no activities, but they have needed to concentrate on school work, so it's been good.
This week Ivy starts confirmation. I am glad we will take a day on Sunday and go to the farm we get our CSA veggies and raspberries from. It is about a 3 hour drive, but I think it will be a lot of fun. A potluck and a pumpkin picking outing sounds like just the ticket for us right now.
Just had to include this picture, life is sweet when your little girls decorate your patio chair.

Fall seems to be starting tomorrow- I will go back to school, True is in his second full week of football practice, it is chilly in the morning!
Fall seems to be the time for new beginnings, I am hoping that we can get some legal things done, and get settled in as a family with two households.
Things that didn't get done in the past seven weeks- I didn't get my house all organized, I got a start and quickly got bored. With the house, custody, etc all up in the air, I don't feel at home anymore, it is hard to stay motivated. I have yet to file my property tax refund. Violet didn't get to have friends sleep over this summer. I didn't de-clutter- see previous comment. We didn't do much toilet training with Capri, I am just happy she is staying on her growth curve. She is now the big 25 pounds.
Things I did- started a book group with Ivy, then had school board meeting for two of the meeting times. I went to one, and Tasha went to one with her, I think she didn't care that we didn't finish, it was kind of a big, younger group at Southdale. Violet and I went to book group, at Penn Lake, for the first time together! We had a great time reading fun books together. We went to the pool several times. Promise read lots. I found a job I hope to continue this fall, at our church's daycare. I read tons of good books, and I got a tan, and talked to the kids. Cherish has fascinating things to say. I got True registered at Jefferson, his sports physical, and signed up for football. I got Ivy registered and counseled at Olson. I got the paperwork done for to transfer Promise back to Seven Hills. I got everyone at three schools signed up for free lunch. I have Capri and Cherish signed up for daycare while I have Nutrition class. I got the paperwork done to modify mine and Tasha's financial aid. I took out a student loan and registered for class. Ivy had friends sleep over. I canned pickles, froze zucchini, onions, peppers, and more pickles. I have everyone's back to school nights on the calender. I found tomatotes I can get on food stamps to can, from our farm share. I grew herbs this summer. Everyone has school supplies. We got to church with at least some kids most Sundays,
I keep thinking I should be setting more goals, but I think we all need to just adjust to new schools and schedules this fall. I got a very nice offer today, the pastor's wife and the secretary at church, both good friends of mine and fellow members of the the Ladies Bible Study group, Bad Girls, have offered to send Cherish to preschool. She will profit a lot from this, it is a very nice thing for them to do. With that, and Tasha having lots of credits and work and needing rides, we will have a very full schedule.
In the meantime, I am hoping to be patient and able to study and get awesome grades, and not forget anything in my schedule! I am hoping Capri and I can go somewhere and study while Cherish is at school. I suppose home. I wish there was still a playplace like there was at Eden Prairie Mall, that big area full of climbing things, or a playspace that was open, like Edenborough used to be. Any and all suggestions are welcome!

Okay, you know I am behind times when I am posting a Halloween photo on May Day- but isn't this beautiful, my son kissing his littlest sister?
Things have been rough around here in the money area, and the marriage area, kind of an off-shoot of that, I think. All the issues of a retirement, but with a lot of little kids at home, and the need to find jobs as soon as possible, and very few contacts back regardless of so many job applications. I am not succeeding at my marital relationship right now, having lots of thoughts about what to do, what is best, what I can do-
Complicated by losing a baby in August, and then my neighbor having her first just when I would have had one.
Life sometimes isn't so dramatic, just a little sadder. Her baby was born with a bit of a cleft lip, and she was talking about how that was a little upsetting, and I'm just thinking, as I hold her sweet baby, I would have loved to have had an alive baby anytime in this time, this is so minor. She does know that, also, and is very grateful for her little precious.
I know that times are hard for lots of people, and my worries are small compared to some, but at the same time, just when I thought that life would be kind of a little bit smoother, the loss of a primary income for almost a year and a half, with part time work, has really rocked our family boat. Add to that loss, and my job loss, and me going back to school, and not getting into nursing school next fall, and the kids' school closing, and needing to do some school changes for economic reasons- it all has felt a bit like I haven't been able to relax much, or enjoy life, or be myself with the kids.
Not a very optimistic blog, hope to report some more positive changes soon.
Soon it will be warmer, and I'll have three weeks off of school, and I'll be able to clean the house, hunt for work, rent a movie from Redbox, and read a book without feeling guilty that it's not my anatomy book. Comment with a good movie to rent-
Some positives- We enjoyed a quiet Easter, Capri had a nasogastric tube on her second birthday, a few days in Children's hospital, and has finally put on some weight. The tube is long gone, and she is eating better. She will sit in my lap and drink her Pediasure with a straw. Cherish is smart as a whip, knows how to spell some words at 4 years old. Recently we took her to the ER for a little bead in her nose, she very seriously told everyone there it rolled off the piano shelf and bounced in her nose. Promise has been thriving in the Lutheran school, next year she'll go back to a charter school with Violet, who is having three friends for a sleepover tonight. Violet won first prize in her science fair, for the fourth grade. Ivy is turning teen-ish, we ordered a dress on the 15 dollar store site for a boy girl dance at school, her first. It is black, too grown up for my baby lady, as we called her when she was a toddler. True is grumpy but then affectionate, going to the giant high school next year, from a small class to a huge one. His basketball team went to Nationals, we took a bus trip to Indiana, it was a lot of fun. They placed 2nd! Tasha was the only one to stay home, she studied some. She is going to Iceland this summer, we are trying to figure that out financially. We are hoping she will be a college grad this time next year.
Sorry I haven't blogged recently, life has been very up and down, and I don't know what to say for myself much of the time. I think right now it's time to go and enforce lights out for these ten year olds, they are giggley, it is cute as the dickens. Good night!

Photo from this summer- Christmas photo?