May budget-

Income-

Dh's parttime job and unemployment- $511/ week x 4+$2044plus my job- $300 month plus about $40 for a few extra shifts= $2,384

Expenses-

I paid the mortgage- $1346 with the tax refund last month.

Church-$100

Second mortgage $480

heat $167, this is a budget amount, stays the same year round.

elect $90, down slightly.

water/sewer $50

2 cells $20

phone $60, long distance higher, my dh's great aunt died

gas $350, much lower as school is over for dh

dh misc $50

groc, diapers, pet food $300

car insurance $123

internet $61, needed for job search

med payments $200, $132 to the eye doctor

4 credit cards $500

total- $2,551

$167 over budget-

May grocery list-flour, sugar, canning jars, toilet paper, paper towels, diapers, dog food, butter, 3 dozen eggs, 15 gallons milk, kid toothpaste for starters. Items that have fallen into the luxury category include Pam, Baker's Joy, spices, chocolate chips, etc. I haven't bought a lot of food in months. Dinner ideas-curry, spatzle, pasta, homemade pizza, soups and muffins. Fried rice, eggs, pancakes, and nature burgers.

But, school's over for Graham, some driving is over, I cut the gas budget $150 due to this ride, confirmation, Girl Scouts, and choir being over. The baby seems to be gaining weight, I spent part of a gift card a dear friend gave me to stock her up on baby treats, she loves them. May will be concentrated job search.

We will be getting our $3000 tax rebate in May, using it for June mortgage and part for a trip to Chicago in June. We'll have free lodging and will go to some free entertainment, have to budget gas and food. I hope to carry over quite a bit of the check for July mortgage.

Also exciting, Tasha returns in June! Will budget for the car trip to pick her up, she is flying into Chicago the week after we are vacationing there. I am excited to see her! It feels like a very long time.

Kind of a random post. Happy May!

News

Graham started school today, I really missed him. Our marriage has gotten a lot stronger with our time together at home. We are committed to keeping it this way.

Other good news, Tasha has been calling on Skype, and this is cheap enough to get caught up. She is really loving living her life right now, with lots of adventures. She goes to Scotland for Easter. She has no real idea of when she plans to come back!

My student loan question, the money question today-

Graham got his financial aid award letter, only loans as he has a bachelor's already.
We could stretch hard and pay his tuition with the tax return, or take out the student loans-

tuition is $4500 for 7 weeks of class

federal student loans offered $3700

tax refund about $8000, $2000 going to dd for college, need some for living expenses, to tide us over in April, May and June.

I think we are too old- 42 and soon to be 44- to take out student loans. We don't know for sure if he'll get a job in this. I would rather pay the bill and be done with it. I still have student loans rolled into the house, I think. I really don't want another bill, we have debt that makes it hard to pay just the bills right now. We have close to $30,000 in credit debt on top of our house.

Any advice is appreciated. Has anyone taken out a loan at our age for school and not regretted it?

We also have lots of educational costs for our kids, this is something we work hard to pay. I try hard not to go into debt for any of these as they are just regular expenses. I guess I view dh's as a regular expense, not something to go in debt for. His job will not improve his earnings, we are hoping in a year and a half he'll be replacing what he made before. I am confident we will make the bills for the next two months, until he is done with class. Then he can work more.

I think I have about a day to decide, with Graham. Will have to pay with loans or put off until 25th, when tax refund is due.

I did do a little more cooking today, with Graham gone. The time he was home I got some other things done, now with kids with me most of the day, with two different naps, it is easy enough to cook. Made lasagna with asparagus, artichokes, and spinach for St. Patrick's Day. Two batches of cookies for a meeting tonight.

Ivy has her first Communion on Maundy Thursday. My baby's growing up.

Looking forward to comments about the student loan, if you have one.

Our new budget

Changes in our budget were needed- I've been working on it since January- so here it is!

January budget Savings March budget

church $100 0 $100
mortgage and
home equity loan $1859 $100 $1759
heat and
appliance coverage $193 $26 $167

elec $107 $0 $107

garbage $22 $0 $22

water/sewer $45 $0 $45

phone $50 $5 $45

cell, 2 $20 $0 $20

gas $400 $50 $350
Graham,
misc. $ $50 $0 $50

credit cards $649 $149 $500
grocery and
diapers $440 $165 $275
car and life
insurance $145 $22 $123

internet/cabl $61 $0 $61
med insurance
and copays $650 $550 $100

totals $4,791 $1067 $3,724

So, things are better. The best thing for us was getting state health insurance to help us out. We tested it the second day, went and got three prescriptions for Graham at Walmart. What would have been $70 last month was $13! $9, $3, and $1!
I canceled my life insurance, the appliance coverage with the gas company, we have cut down on driving, long distance, I used a balance transfer offer, and went from 6 credit cards to four, lowering the minimums by $150. I've been paying down the home equity loan enough that the interest only payment dropped from $500 to $400. While Graham had the severance pay I stocked the pantry and found one free food source, a once a month Saturday pickup in a neighboring town. I went a few times, now Graham and I both go to get bread, produce, and a variety of other food products. I'm not confident I can stay under $300 for food every month, but I think I can for a few months. Our budget is still too high for our income, but with the tax refund coming soon and Graham had a free lance job last month proofreading, we are getting by.

On another positive note, Graham and I are working more as a team. The time off has given us a chance to talk about things more fully and work on our relationship. I think, and I think Graham would agree, that we have never felt closer.

The little girls had the flu, and Capri had an ear infection. Luckily now everyone is better. I did 12 loads of laundry last Saturday, blankets, pillows, stuffed toys, anything to get the house more germ free. Everyone is healthy now.

Cherish has been in a good nap schedule, and when she and Capri sleep at the same time, Promise and I cook! Today, cinnamon rolls, usually cookies. Of course, now that Capri was laying down and taking a nap in her portacrib-this lasted all of two weeks- on Saturday she dug her baby toes in the netting and came walking out- she has escaped the portacrib!

I hear a little from Tasha- she will be in Ireland for St. Patrick's Day and Italy for Easter. She sent photos, she sounds good, sounds like she's having fun. Stay safe, sweetie! We are trying to get Skype on our computer so we can talk for free.

True and Ivy are done with basketball- True's team did pretty well, Ivy's team learned a lot! Ivy played two seasons and is now moving into volleyball season.

I am hoping to go on ski day tomorrow with the big kids, going on the magnet field trip with Promise, making the most of my chance until Graham starts school on March 17.

Violet is busy reading-one of her favorite things to read is Tasha's old collection of Archie comic books! She recently wrapped up a colonial unit at school by making a help wanted poster. I've added a photo of Violet enjoying one of my very old books, a 1942 copy of Twig. She's my third little girl to enjoy it.

That's about all new here. I am contented to have a little slower pace while Graham has been home more, it's actually been quite lovely.

Tracy

Job searches

The job search is going along- we tried a job fair today, not much. Graham scours the internet and has been contacting just about everyone for contacts. I have been trying to find a job that would pay for daycare, so far there is nothing that is scheduled that would pay- the jobs at the job fair today were mostly part-time, on-call or seasonal. I will have to see if there is any daycare that could flex like that in the area.
I am trying to prepare for unemployment days- trying to work with the budget and numbers, it will soon be here. Trying to think of what to stock, how much to save. Luckily we have a well-stocked pantry, and I am hoping we qualify for state health insurance. That is one of my big fears, being without insurance and needing the doctor and our medications. Stocked on my prenatals- still taking them while I nurse Capri, and some allergy meds for True, especially if we can't get shots. They ordered more shot serum, so all we would need to pay is the shots. Tasha stocked on her meds for the trip, and still has a good inhaler for her asthma.
Tasha goes to the Netherlands in a few days, on Sunday. I hope she can do most of the things she is planning, I have no idea about how expensive or easy it is to use transportation there- It seems strange that she will be having experiences so separate from what I've done- I could predict part of what going to Mankato was like, but have no visual picture or idea of this new part of life for her-
Tash, have fun, be safe, take lots of pictures to show your mom!
It also seems so unreachable, there is no way to see her in a little bit, she's going for months. I hope you know I want you to have some grand adventures, Tasha. I also hope you email me!
True seems to be going through a little grumpy phase. Maybe this is hormones for boys, less dramatic, but making an impact. Cherish, on the other hand, is definitely going through a dramatic phase. She wails, she sucks her thumb and plays with her belly button, she wants to be a baby and Rapunzel, and a princess, and a big girl all at once. She wants to play upstairs with her sisters, and have me rock her, and get her pink milk in a bottle, and sneak big girl toys, all in the span of about 7 minutes. She is enjoying the attention of two parents at home more, I think it is helping her, although she is not any calmer. She is going to be an interesting teen.
I have been thinking I want to start a prayer journal for about a year now, but something holds me back. I look at blank books- simple or a little decorated, at Walmart, but can't seem to commit to this simple faith building step. I think I should ask one of the women at church how they do it, I feel I need a prayer journal mentor.
Challenges in the next few weeks- money- we are on our last check before unemployment, plus Promise is aging out of MAC and I am off WIC and I lost my little coffee shop sale all at the same time as the job loss. God provides and will take care f us, I just don't know how, right now. I KNOW that in the posts coming up that everything will have worked out, I just can't see what path will work out to be solutions for us now. In the meantime, another church friend gave us a $20 Cub card yesterday- she gives the kids mittens and hats, she gives the baby clothes, last year she gave us four nice teddy bears to give the kids at Christmas. I think the kindness of friends is God present with us now. That should be enough for now- what's that saying, about a few worries being sufficient for the day? Maybe it's time to slow down and look at the smaller tasks and worries vs the big scary ones-
Small pleasures- True nicknamed Capri "baby hippo" with her 4 big teeth, Graham gave me a long back rub last night, the subzero weather broke, everyone is healthy, the cars are running well, for dinner I made popcorn and cocoa with marshmallow fluff.
Your sister in Christ-
Tracy

Graham lost his day job

I feel like we are entering an economic crunch- there aren't many copywriter jobs around.
Here is the budget I sent to the financial advisor we had with our star tribune story, she has kindly agreed to help us with our finances again-

budget-
church $100
mortgage and home equity loan- $1359 + $500= $1859
heat $193- monthly average, budget bill
electric $107, higher due to furnace running
garbage $22
water and sewer $45
phone $45
gas $200
Graham's money, his gas, etc. $250
credit card payments $700
money paid to last college for dd to close out $122
groceries $350
auto insurance and my life insurance $145
internet, needed for work $61 this includes $15 for basic cable, not needed for work.
medical averages $250 with several prescriptions, could be higher this month, asked our doctor to see everyone who needed to be seen before health insurance runs out.
will need to pay some towards Tasha's school. She is going down to her college tomorrow to meet with financial aid.

We will not be spending for gifts, clothes, household, car or home repair, entertainment, dining out, fast food, lattes, vacation, recreation, 401K, subscriptions, haircuts, or any other easily cut catagory. Did spend $5 to park at the zoo, we had free passes, went for the kid's break. (Also $5 for a little tray of chocolate chip cookies there.)

Total- $4449 plus college $.
Will take $ from the grocery budget to take 4 girls out to lunch at McDonald for Promise's 6th birthday, on Thursday. Homemade cake, presents that I held back from Christmas, thank goodness.
Income $4612 this month, one more month of $4612 in Feb, then down to $538 in unemployment a week, times 4, plus my job at $300 a month and Graham's FedEx job at $600 a month, will be $3052. Luckily our tax refund will come in time to keep the payments going for a little, but not long.
We need internet for work, we need the high speed for Graham to send work samples.

We still have those credit card payments.
I can't find $1200 to cut-Graham will work one more shift and so will I as he can pick-up Promise, and we've both applied for jobs, but so far I can only realistically see $200 in additional income, $1000 still to cut/save. Graham is trying hard to find a job, but there really is not one in his field right now, I think we need to save as much as we can to make the unemployment months and first month of work with no paycheck AND no unemployment work.

Small savings- returning 2 Christmas gifts-$100, someone anonymously sent a $50 Cub card, my friend Fran gave us 15 lbs of pasta products, I applied for state health insurance for the kids. Friends at church gave us $25 cash. My aunt sent a $50 check to go towards hosting Christmas- we had 45 people here.

I will figure out taxes this week, refund will be lower due to increased income.

That is what I sent- I know our monthly total seems high, but besides the credit cards, most of the bills seem in line with the cost of living. I am trying to do what I can, applying for jobs and taking any shift I can. Any ideas are more than welcome.
Capri had her first birthday two days after Graham lost his job. We bought her a present and my parents came over for cake. They brought lots of practical presents, she is very low weight, they brought lots of baby food and two packs of Pediasure, sippy cups and a bottle.

Promise's birthday is Thursday, I am giving her a doodle bear my friend gave me last year, she had seen it in my closet before Christmas. I also have a clock for her, and I bought a pony beanie out of the grocery money. She wants to take three friends to McDonald's and back to the house for cupcakes on Thursday, when she is six.

Getting Tasha the money she needs to make this study abroad will be a challenge, to say the least. I hope financial aid comes up with a whole lot of loans tomorrow, we don't have that kind of money.

The high note of this past week was Capri and her birthday. What a delight our tiny girl is!

Christmas reflections

Had a very nice time-

a picture of the kids at Christmas, before we had 45 for dinner- dh made vegetarian Swedish meatballs in sauce with egg noodles, made from walnuts, rice, cheddar cheese, I made a savory cheesecake with crackers for an appetizer, then I made a triple batch of chocolate bread pudding with chocolate chips and walnuts for dessert. Made mashed potatoes, people brought turkey and ham for the meat eaters, wild rice casserole, spinach salad with cranberries, feta, and pine nuts, cookies, apple pie, dd made glazed cinnamon cookies and sour cream chocolate cupcakes with fudgy frosting, my brother brought wine, and my friend brought Amaretto to have with cream and/or coffee.

We had a Chinese white elephant gift exchange.

The TV and Wii were a BIG hit. DD age 8 had been quizzing me about Santa this year, then when I went up to check on the kids before I went to bed at 2:30, she had already been in her stocking and said thanks, mom, but when she saw the TV she said, "How did you think Santa got it here? Did he tie it on his sled?" It made a believer out of her all over again!

Dh got me a t-shirt that says, Minnesota Kid Rancher, Shoestring Ranch! Plus tons of candy. Dd got me my favorite candy, a box of See's.

All in all, a great two days! Everyone was happy, they all liked the time together and the kids are very happy with some new things. Today some still in pajamas, eating leftovers and playing with all the loot! We are very blessed, didn't attend church on Christmas, but go every week. We remembered the reason for the season, and also had fun with all the trappings of presents, food, and company.

Some thoughts on parenting

This was something I had posted on a blog about parenting, the reality versus what we had thought we would do- I've elaborated a little.

I hope they all grow up healthy and pretty content, and Christians. I had 5 little sisters, the youngest was 7 when I had my first. I was in grad school, asked a friend for a baby, Single mommed it for 6 years, wanted another child, met dh. He said he'd give me a bushel of babies- we have six living children and two in heaven.

I wasn't prepared for marriage to be so hard. I wasn't prepared to lose babies or miss them so much everyday. I wasn't prepared for illnesses or deaths. I wasn't prepared for how you hurt so much for your kids when they hurt. I wasn't prepared for a phone call saying my dd's best friend died when she was 16. That continues to one of my saddest memories, that was a very hard winter. I wasn't prepared for going and checking to make sure everyone's fine before I go to sleep, and wishing I could do the same for my college daughter. I wasn't prepared for how hard empty nest hit with my first one, when I was pregnant with my last one. I wasn't prepared for how sweet baby's breath smells. I wasn't prepared for wishing for that basketball shot for an uncoordinated daughter and how happy I was when she got it, or hearing a child should repeat a grade and how happy I was when she was in a school that fit her well, in her grade for her age. I wasn't prepared for how miserable it is when everyone has the flu, with one bathroom! I wasn't prepared for how fun it is to have traditions with dh, wrapping Christmas presents with that dorky fireplace on TV, him rubbing my back when I'm pregnant, that he hides Easter candy out in the open to be funny. I am secretly kind of thrilled I've become a good cook, with little money and time, the kids tell me I'm a good cook-

The births? I've had everything from home birth to high risk pregnancy and delivery. I've nursed for 13 years, but had to show the 22 year old nurse that I knew how to before I could leave the hospital. I'm telling you, she didn't know how to! She told me I did it wrong. The reality was the baby knows how.

I was prepared to work, and not prepared to stay home, now I'm happy at home for the most part, and not prepared to work more, at least for 2-3 years.

Here's something funny- my family growing up was GBGGGGGG, my family is GBGGGGG! How's that for coicidence? It feels right to me to have a big sister, big brother, and a bunch of little girls.

One more surprise- how engaged I am in this home life, I feel I'm learning lots and continue to strive for better relationships with God, my dh, and my kids. I am certainly feeling I'm using all my skills, I cringe when I say I'm a housewife, I somehow hate that term, but do love doing it. I wish we had more "status" or something for what we do.

Parenting has been my major accomplishment, and yet I don't know if I'm good at it. I get impatient, and yell, and don't have enough time to hear everything- all the kids talk a lot, and want to tell me tons of details. I like to hear them, but sometimes just run out of time. I don't know if I'm getting better or worse. In some ways I was an energetic parent with my first few kids in daycare, we had more money and did more, with these kids we cook more and watch more TV. I know now you can take a sliver out of a sleeping child, or even stitches, easier than when they are awake. I know now not to get pets I don't like. I think I let the kids know I love them so much it is like taking my breathe away, but I don't know if it has sunk in.

In the meantime, I continue to read and learn about parenting, budgeting, running a house, and education. It is my hope that I'm be a good enough parent, as I learned about in grad school with my little baby Tasha and her little Eskimo-looking face and hair sleeping in the car seat by my chair....at the time I just wanted to watch her sleeping, but did get through school with a 4.0 that semester. I think just as you want to do good for your parents when your a child, I want to do well for my kids this part of my life. I hope I can do them justice.